(Not quite) Yesterday’s Poem [9]

I wrote this a couple weeks ago, actually, and wasn’t sure about posting it. Insecurities and all that. But why not? It doesn’t make any sense, it won’t hurt anyone. Here’s a poem.

 

Yellow

 

If I said ‘yellow’

would you address my claim –

would you turn into a blue-sayer –

would you ever take me seriously again?

 

It is not ‘yellow’ of course –

nothing is ever yellow

and yellow is indeed nothing –

but could it be a color at all?

 

Could it be an absence of color

before it becomes an absence of words,

of feelings, of yellows?

 

Think about yellows, talk about yellows.

And lose sight

of meaning

as I repeat yellow unto you.

For it is not ‘yellow’

– it is LOVE.

 

 

 

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Another fun thing to do: rewrites

supernatural-writingishard1

The good news is: I’ve signed a contract for Halfway Home with Ylva Publishing.

The ‘bad’ news is: rewrites.

I see how they’re necessary, but sometimes it just seems brutal to cut again into your story – which of course you thought was already pretty polished (always compared to what your first draft looked like).

It’s to make the story better, of course. But you still fret. And this comes from a freak who cherishes the editing process. Going back to the writer’s board, reading up on writing tips, make more notes, and put your thinking cap on.

Another good news, though, is: nobody knows your story like you do. You’re an expert. You know names, dates, the whole frakking history of the piece. And you will prevail, of course, you will.

I guess patience is the virtue you need most of at this point. Patience with challenges you thought you had already mastered. Patience with the fact that what you think is pretty perfect, is not.

Endurance, too. And tea (in my case tea, in yours probably coffee).

But at the end – and here is more good news – stands the published work. And that’s, after all, the Holy Grail of writing, yes?

So, as an appeal to you and me (’cause I need to appeal to myself here since I’m not the most motivated person in the universe), rewrites are not only necessary, they’re fun. You get to explore new facets of your story, get to go deeper, get to revisit favorite scenes just to look up some random fact. Your work is still your work, but you make it stronger.

That’s pretty neat and possibly the best news of all.

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Free short story [3]

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Well, well, just a  week and I’m already back here. You may have missed my latest post because in all the excitement of having written it, I completely forgot to tag and categorize it. This is what happens when I’m absent too long, I start forgetting how to properly do things.

The short of that blog post was that I’m abstaining from facebook, twitter, and tumblr for a bit. I planned a month. I’m a little overwhelmed by the world news lately. Also, I need to get back to what I love: writing. Also: reading. I spend far too much time scrolling through social media and playing games on facebook.

And I’ve already started writing and finished a short story I’ve started… a long time ago. Back then, I wanted it to be part of an anthology, but I didn’t finish it in time, obviously. Now it’s finished and it’s for the reading of anybody who wants to – for free. YAY! I know, awesome. Just like me, you love free stuff.

Im SommerThe story is called Im Sommer. Are you scratching your head yet? No, it’s not in German, though there are some sentences within (dialogue) that are. The story takes place in German wine country where Angela meets Judith. Angela is an American vacationing with her parents in Europe. The title of the story translates into In Summer – if you haven’t guessed it already.

It’s just a short, sweet story about exploring your sexuality a little. No, there’s no sex, there’s just fluff (as we fanfiction writers call it). A harmless, romantic story.

If you wants read: I’ve put it up on inkitt, tablo, and wattpad. Choose your platform and start reading.

This is just one of the projects I wanted to get back to. I need more writing in my life and hopefully we will all benefit from my renewed sense of purpose (well, I’m still working on it, I’m not all that purposeful).

Hope you’re all having a nice summer, some love, and a lot of reading material.

Keep reading, folks.

 

I need a break

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Hello, all. I know it’s been a while, I’ve been busy, I guess. Life is kinda happening, sometimes it’s being pushed upon me. I don’t know how you feel, but every other day seems to reveal news that… I’m overwhelmed by the happenings in the world.

A big part of that is that we all seem to follow the actions of one politician who must not be named. This Voldetrump has the world hold its combined breath. There’re articles over articles online, there’re tweets, there’re rumors…

To be honest, I need a break from that. I need a break from bad news and I need a break from the social medias I’m getting these at. So, beginning Monday, I will (hopefully) abstain from Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. The plan is to not visit for a month, just to regain or keep my sanity… we’ll see how that goes.

I feel like world politics make me anxious. I consume most of it on Facebook and so maybe this will help me some. Hopefully, it will also help me start writing again (after all, I’m going to have to fill all those hours I won’t be scrolling anymore),  and reading more. Maybe I will even come here more often again, telling you of my progress.

That was just what I wanted to let everyone know. I’ll be back, I just need a break from all the insanity, maybe find a healthier regimen of consuming social media. That would be good.

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I’m Thinking [1]

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Yeah, that’s a first. 😀

Well, I’ve been absent here for awhile and not just to think. We already talked about how life gets in the way… it gets in the way of everything, it’s like it thinks it’s so important. Annoying. Sorry, just having a little bit of fun here.

So, I’ve been absent but not idle. I’ve finally (finally!) done all those revisions on Halfway Home. Well, I’m pretty sure if it’s gonna get published there’ll be an editor suggesting a whole lot more, but for now… yeah, Halfway Home is at a publisher’s right now, getting evaluated. Exciting times.

I worked through that thing in time to have surgery on my hand. I had a trigger finger which is not so much painful as it is annoying. It also gets painful with time and so I had this pretty standard surgery. And now I have to do a lot of things with my left hand. Of course, as I am just now typing this, I’m being an ass about my hand’s recovery. But seriously, do you know how boring not using your good hand is? Do you know how stupid one feels using the not so good hand, the dunce’s hand? Yeah, brushing teeth with that hand? Not a delight.

With all that going on I’ve got a little time thinking. These last few weeks I’ve read a lot about how writers writing blog are procrastinating on the real writing, how we shouldn’t be writing blog because ever so often we do that instead of the ‘real’ writing. And I thought about that and think it’s utter bull.

For one, blog writing IS writing. Just as writing an essay is, or a journal. Is there any type of writing that is not ‘real’ writing? Is there any type of writing that is ‘worthless’ writing? No, there isn’t. I like to think that all of it makes us better at what we do. This here blog may not be high brow entertainment, but it’s still important – if only for me.

For another, how is sharing experiences not important? What would we even know about writing if those before us had not written about the experience of writing? Jacksquatt is what! Yes, they wrote essays and such, but writing blog is the next best thing. yeah? It’s easily accessible and doable. Every person can do it, and every writer (in my very humble opinion) should do it. We can’t always spent time in other people’s (character’s) minds, we sometimes have to get things out of our own. And is there actually a better way to do that than writing it down? An empty page doesn’t talk back! (I like that about pages in general, not just empty ones.)

So, I stand that blog writing is important. I thought about it.

Also, I’m thinking about a new blog (actually, I’m kinda diddling with it already, but it’s not open to the public yet) – not an additional one, more of a substitute for this one. Something that looks a little bit more professional. Like the someone writing it knows what they’re doing… yeah, I know, it’s risky, but maybe I can pull it off. Thinking of translating my novella The Affair into German, too. You know, just busy thinking.

Are you thinking too? What abouts?

Yesterday’s Poem [8]

I got bored yesterday. I get bored a lot these days. But it’s not just that, it’s never just that. This is the more, I’m thinking about:

Snow White

It’s snowing.
Like memories snow flakes swirl
through the air.
Hitting the pavement.
Building new ground
to stand on.
Or slip on.

Troubling thoughts
of troubling memories
I slip on.
And the ever-present
Why?
of misunderstood convictions.

Why? does difference mean alienation.
Why? is there a better in an equal state.
Why? is nature being blamed,
framed, defamed, beaten and resisted.
Why? do I even still care.

And nothing does feel right.
And everything is a messy state of mind.
The slush of once pure snow
is causing accidents,
is causing my mind to slip further
into the dark.

There’s the ongoing nagging,
the insistance that life’s not right.
Or maybe it’s just snow and cold and ice,
the weather of a troubled mind,
the winter of a broken society.

2017 – let’s get crackin’

First of all, happy new year everyone. I know we’re already three weeks into the new year, but you may have noticed by now, I’m moving a little slower than mostly everybody I know. But it’s been a peaceful three weeks, mostly. It’s been a helpful three weeks and I feel more inclined to take on the world now that the sky hasn’t fallen. It hasn’t fallen in my little cave of an apartment – I know the world looks differently today.

As a writer, I have high hopes for 2017, but so far no concrete plans. So far, I haven’t really written anything though I’m planning every day to sit down and do. You do see, how the title of this post is kinda misleading, right? I want to write, but I’m kind of in a bubble, a cozy one where I don’t wanna stir stuff.

the-matter-of-a-secret-kiss-wOf course, as of yesterday, stuff has been stirred. I got an email from a publisher that a short story I submitted for an anthology has been turned down. Disappointing, for sure, but not the end of the world. I already put The Matter of a Secret Kiss up on my writing platforms (you may read it on Wattpad, Inkitt, or Tablo, just as you please). I hope you read and like, maybe write me a note.

I’m working on Halfway Home, making revisions. This story has been lying around for over a year, burning a hole into my brain. I feel like it’s time to work on it, finish it, send it away on its journey. It’s a novel, as of yet 75k words strong. I’m excited about it, I hope you’ll be too at some point.

There’s nothing much else. I’m trying to sort through my ideas, see what’s worth going after, what to abandon. I’m trying to make concrete plans, trying to concentrate. There’re a lot of things going on in ‘real life’ and I’m distracted.

I have to smile at this, you know. The title is so contradictory to how I feel. I’m looking at it through a Sunday haze. Maybe I’m still sleepy, maybe I had too much sleep. I can’t even say. Hopefully, I haven’t bored you to tears with it. I guess, it’s just to say: I’m still here, I’m working.

Skipping Ahead

Well, now it’s almost Christmas, and now it’s almost time to reminisce in time for New Year’s. NaNoWriMo is over and I’m sorry that I haven’t updated at least one more time, but I’ve kept putting it off and then stuff happened in life and now… I’ve written 32,330 words this NaNo which is about 2,000 more than last year. So while it wasn’t a complete success, I’m not disappointed.

savingdanvers1This year’s NaNo was mostly about fanfiction for me. Fanfiction and Supergirl (or Supergays, as I tend to lovingly call it). I’m neck-deep in the evolution of Alex Danvers’ character, I just love that tiny gay bean. And I’m so close to watching again from the beginning, just to be able to explore her more thoroughly. She’s one of the few aspects of tv that didn’t disappoint (so far) and I hope Supergirl will keep up the good work. I watched a lot of Arrow this year, some The Flash, the pilot of Legends of Tomorrow, but Supergirl is my favorite DC show to date. And I may have jumped the Marvel ship completely, because they don’t invest enough time or money in their female heroes (cancelling Agent Carter, seriously?).

I’m a fan, I tend to get invested. And it affects my writing as well. At the moment, writing fanfiction is a sanctuary, a safe place.

But, of course, I’m always trying to find my own characters and story lines. I’m currently thinking about another YA series I’d like to write. It’s post-apocalyptic stuff and I guess it fits well into current times, with political leaders showing how little they care about people… and I’m prone to seeing all the bad stuff and imagine how it all will end. Also, I love the genre. Aside from horror, it might be my favorite. I’m rereading Legend by Marie Lu and The Hunger Games series might be next.

Apart from that, I also started revisions on Halfway Home. It’s been lying around for a year now and Halfway Home.altcoming back to it is strange and wonderful. I still love the characters so much and I think it’s a great story. It’s all romance and fluff, but it makes me hopeful at the end of a year which saw little of that. I hope I’ll be able to finish it mid-January.

Today’s winter solstice – the shortest day of the year. I’ve been awake since three a.m., so it won’t really be a short day for me, but I like sitting and working when nobody else is awake and by 8 p.m. I’m usually pooped enough to go to bed. The next two weeks will see a lot of family time and food, but I hope I’ll get some work done – probably in the form of fanfiction. I haven’t decided on anything I want to write next year, but hopefully it will be more productive than 2016. Hopefully, it will be more of anything good than 2016.

Yesterday’s Poem [7]

Almost Feels Like Love

You shine
through the normal
of my world.

Breaking
the walls
it took years to build.

What you do,
who you are,
the way my thoughts
get caught in my throat,
I know___

Know the curve
of your jaw
fits the palm
of my hand;
know the sound
of your voice
will haunt my dreams
4ever;
forget what it’s like
to be alone and
become lonely instead.

I cannot have
or be given
the priviledge
of your lips
pressing the life out of mine.

I can only steal
a moment in time,
not wasted for once,
but filled with your smile.

NaNoWriMo Update [2016.2]

I stayed up all night last night to watch Supergirl (Germany is several time zones ahead of the U.S. so it was around 3:30 a.m. before it was even uploaded). It was Alex Danvers’ (Chyler Leigh) coming out episode – the most important coming out at least since it was to her sister Kara, or Supergirl (Melissa Benoist). And it made an emotional mess of me.

Why am I telling you this, you might wonder. Well, last week I jokingly (and it was only meant as a joke, believe me) wrote that I might have to start a Supergirl fanfiction because of that character – Alex Danvers. Right now, the joke’s on me because I did start a Supergirl fanfic. It’s called Saving Danvers and it’s going great.

saving-danversBasically, my writing activity right now is limited to my two fanfictions, Six Degrees of Queer which is slowly ending, and Saving Danvers which is (to me) a break from script because fanfiction has always been about romance for me. (Yes, I might have written a feminist Potter-story, but that was for a college project.) It was about the ship, the pairing, how they meet, how they get together, how they make love for the first time, how they handle their everyday life together.

Saving Danvers, though, it might be my first adventure story. Sure, Maggie Sawyer (Floriana Lima) (Alex’ love interest on the show) will be in it, but, like the show, this story is more about Alex and her relationship to Kara. But it’s also much more about Alex because that character resonates with me.

I’m a tv junkie, I’ve watched so many shows in my life, most of which I stopped watching at some point because they ruined a favorite character or a plotline didn’t sit right with me, or I never really liked anyone on it. Shows, to me, are mostly about characters. That’s why I stopped watching Buffy after Tara (Amber Benson) died and only picked the last season up more than ten years later. That’s why we all pretend the last season of Warehouse 13 never happened because making Pete (Eddie McClintock who, interestingly, has also been son Supergirl) and Myka (Joanne Kelly) a couple felt awkward at best, incestuous at worst. And that’s why I’m still in mourning over Person of Interest which was such a well-written show until they made Root (Amy Acker) the victim of a lazy trope.

And this is where Alex entered, and Supergirl, and James Olsen (Mehcad Brooks) and Cat savingdanvers1Grant (Calista Flockhart), Winn (Jeremy Jordan), Hank (David Harewood)… a good superhero show, a light superhero show with some dark elements. And it inspires me. TV sometimes hands you a tale you can’t resist, a universe that you want to expand on. And if you’re a writer you write fanfiction… even if you secretely think you should build your own writing-verse, should write OCs, should research something other than the comic book background of the characters you’re writing at the moment.

Yes, I’m a little bitter about that. But I’m also excited to be writing again every day. I’m excited to submerge into such amazing characters. I’m excited about writing. And about NaNoWriMo. And I’m still behind on my word count (16,147 to date), but I’m making progress. I’m writing an adventure.

So, what’re you working on? What’re your experiences with fanfiction? And what did you think of last night’s Supergirl (did you cry?)? Tell me in the comments.